Illuminate

In life, much happens. You live, you learn, and then you die.
At birth, there is an automatic power on the infant, whenever you have need
someone comes.
Evolving into adolescence is difficult, not only because of the changes physiologically,
but there is so much ideologically that is thrust upon you.
Entering into adulthood, you embrace all of the ideologies.
And you choose a few thinking they are the most important.
Republican. Democrat.
Chocolate ice cream. Vanilla ice cream.
Religious. Non-religious.
Homo. Hetero.
Dogs. Cats.
Beef. Chicken.
The choices go on and on and on and on.
The problem with this thinking is that there is always one way of doing something.
Do you put the toilet paper on the roll to pull up or to pull down? These questions are trivial, sometimes, and life changing, other times. The problem is not in the answers, but the idea that there needs to be answers.
Why must you explain away an idea and in doing so, explain away someone else’s idea. The problem is in the questioning.
Is there anything to solve this problem?
Why must we decide?
Why must the terms “right” and wrong” be thrown away flippantly?
The solution is that the answers are everything.
No one is the same.
No one makes the same choices.
No one has the same background.
No one needs to the same things.
No one has the same opportunities.
No one...
...can tell me I am wrong in my ideas. Ideas are sacred.

When one looks at the world through a tainted lens, one cannot help to see exactly what one is supposed to see. When one walks around with a metaphorical blindness, and has to feel around in order to make sense of things without getting the full story, one gets a distorted picture of reality.
Reality is a relative thing, as it cannot be truly known by any one culture. We exist within a portion of reality, as the world knows it. Reality can be worked towards through the illumination of the mind and the senses in the cold cut reality that we exist with the “other.”
This existence is a marvelous thing should it be grasped towards....but people do not. People are much more comfortable reaching around in the darkness, making assumptions about things that they have not yet seen nor understood. These assumptions are the downfall of humanity.

Ignorance. Illumination.

The most important choice is a difficult one...

Mercy

Months have passed and my blog has been neglected.  Enough said...

A few days ago, I found myself revisiting a thought I had during one of Dr. Tom Boyd's classes this past semester.  The course was titled, "Religion & Ethics in a Global Perspective."  This class was truly remarkable, not because of the title of the course, but because Tom Boyd is an exceptional professor that truly inspires those around him to think about everything that one took for granted.

What is mercy?  Is it a quality that can expressed by humans in regards to other humans?  Does mercy assume that one deserves a specific kind of treatment and when one does not get said treatment that can be merciful?  This has been something that has been bothering me for a few months.  I haven't just been sitting in my house pining over this idea, but I am curious.  Can humans actually grant someone mercy - true mercy?  Or is mercy an entirely divine quality?  Can mercy only be given by a divinity or something that is inherently perfect, someone who would not need mercy for themselves?  This is intriguing, and I know it's not that important, but something that I have just been considering...

What does it actually mean for God to be merciful?  I know that this is something that is taught in kid's sunday school and at certain churches, but what does it mean?  It assumes that we need mercy, so it assumes imperfection and the need for some type of reconciliation, otherwise, there would be no need for mercy.  So can humans grant mercy upon others?

My opinion, while it is still developing, is that humans cannot grant mercy...there is nothing that is within the ability of created things to grant mercy upon other created things - they are all of the same creation...but God, being "non-created," can be merciful in nature because of the mere reason that God lacks being created....but this is all up in the air still...

Long hiatus.  Hope it does not turn in to that again...

It's late.

Free-Falling

I graduate in December.   I am currently in the process of thinking, with Rich, about the prospect of grad school, starting a family, etc.  I am thoroughly enjoying learning and thinking and being put into situations that require much effort to put aside my own personal bias and work through the situation to decide what exactly is going on.  To be completely honest with my blog, this has been intensely overwhelming, for several reasons.  In order to do well within my studies, I have been forced to think outside of the box in which everything I was ever taught growing up resided. This has been tumultuous and trying at best.  I have welcomed discussion and challenging thoughts from professors and especially the challenges from my husband.  My biggest fear throughout this entire process (which I don't think will end EVER- the process, that is), is that I would change into something other than the person that my Hubby decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  Now, if anyone reads this, I'm sure you are currently thinking (especially if you know Rich), that this is the most absurd thought that could have ever crossed my mind.  When I did finally admit this to Rich he very lovingly told me I was crazy. HA!  He then went on to reassure me that he completely supports my education, as far as I want to go whether that is just receiving a BA or if that means getting Ph.D after Ph.D!  I know he was trying to lighten my somber mood and this in one of MANY reasons why I love him.  I say all of this to admit that I am terrified of the journey that I have decided to embark on, but I am fearful that if I do not take such a journey, I will remain ignorant of my own faith and will take every experience in the past two years for granted.  God has blessed me more than I could ever know, from my wonderfully caring and supportive parents and sister who have always loved me (there was never any inkling of a doubt about this), to struggling through poverty with my husband the first few years of marriage (which we are still in, and completely content with), to moving us to Oklahoma even though this was the scariest decision we have ever made and showing us that even though Rich's new job and our new church (which is already difficult in itself, for anyone who has ever been in church-ministry!) and showing us the most faceted and loving group of people that have ever been in either of our lives!  There have been CRAZY struggles, and they are by no means over, but God has been so merciful to us to give us such wonderfully life-changing experiences.

I have made personal strides in my own faith and I have yet to know if I am ever going to be okay with where I am spiritually, but I love thinking and learning and experiencing discussion with those different from myself and becoming more aware of the world in which I am so radically being exposed to, whether I am ready for it or not.  My prayer in this season of life is that I continue to question and continue to challenge what I have always just taken for granted.  I want my faith to continue to be my own, whatever that ends up looking like!  Grad school, seminary, becoming a mom, or whatever, I know that I can continue to rely on those around me and that right now, I am content with free-falling!!

A now, a relevant cartoon:

http://www.cartoonchurch.com/content/cc/i-have/

Day 2 of "Snow-pocalypse" 2010

Today, I baked.

I have been wanting to bake bread from scratch for a very long time.  However, the time that it actually takes to make the bread has always been the inhibiting factor.  I have not had 3-4 consecutive hours that I could sit at home and bake bread without having to go somewhere or NOT stay up until 2 in the morning baking bread.  So, on the second snow day, I decided that I would try and find the ingredients in my cabinets to make something...ANYTHING, and MUCH to my surprise, I had all the ingredients to make a White Bread.  So, I called my mom and she emailed me the recipe that she uses and I basically, after much hesitation and even more encouragement from others, went to town on my bread!  (Now, I'm excited because I don't actually now how it's going to turn out because I am writing this as it is sitting in a bowl with a towel over it and rising...so we'll see if my enthusiasm is still existent AFTER the bread has been baked, cooled, and tasted!)

***after the baking is complete!

Here is the bread once everything was mixed together - RIGHT before I started kneeding it...

 

The bread in the bowl, waiting to rise (You can even see where I poked it TWICE just to make sure it was ready!)

This is the bread punched out and rolled up into two pans (one was a little deformed...next time I'll fix that)   :)

Halfway through the rising process

Finished with rising

After spraying Butter-flavored Cooking Spray on the top so it browned nicely, here is the result!

AND...here is me having a sandwich! YUM!

After my successful, first time, making bread...I decided that I would follow in the footsteps of my pastor's wife and try my hand at cinnamon rolls.  Now, I'm not a HUGE fan of cinnamon rolls, Hubby is, so I whipped up a batch.  When it was time to make the icing, I realized I did not have cream cheese, so I created a simple sugar/milk/vanilla mixture that had a similar consistency and sweetness (without the hint of tart with the cream cheese) and really feel like it couldn't have turned out any better as a pulled-together-last-minute-something-being-used-as-a-substitute kind of thing!

All in all, it was a VERY productive day on my part, and I have a blog to show for it as well!

Generic Meds Are My Heroes!

For the past several days I have been developing some sort of sickness.  To this moment, I'm not 100% sure of what exactly it was, but it was no fun.  It started the day after Thanksgiving with normal allergy-like symptoms, I took some DayQuil and didn't really worry about it (even though it never really helped).  However, by Saturday night it had progressed into something that was no longer ONLY allergies (as I had fooled myself into thinking), and I was desperately in need of some meds, yet unwilling to leave the comfort of my warm bed to go get them.  Luckily, I have a truly remarkable Hubby who called when he was leaving work and said, "What do you want me to get you from the store?  What do you need medicine for? And are you hungry at all?  Soup?," etc.

It was marvelous to hear!  He came back with some food and these meds (that's right, we ONLY get the good stuff - generic all the way!)

AND

Almost 24 hours since the first dosage (PLUS Cough Syrup for my symptoms) and I feel about 75-80% normal!  I'm not one to enjoy going to the doctor - in fact I pretty much loathe it with every fiber of my being, and find it needlessly costly to go to someone and have them say "It's only a sinus infection, go rest" when I can just medicate myself like crazy and get better!  (Plus, then you have the war stories like: I took a dayquil, some cough medicine, a dosage of airbourne, some zinc drops and slept for 12 hours!)

All of this to say, "Hubby knows best!"  He's such a great man and takes really great care of me.  He even brought me ELF, the movie, from the living room where it resides in the entertainment center when I asked him to get it while laying in bed in the bedroom! :)  GOOD MAN!

A Break From Paper Writing

A new blog post!  Crazy, I know...but this one has to do a little with procrastinating about a paper I am working on.

I am in a course called, "Christian Heresies" and it is absolutely wonderful!  Not growing up having any knowledge of church history - due to being a Baptist and never really talking about any of this in church (just stating a reality), I am learning so much about where the "church" has come from and I have lots of opinions about this, not that this is the place to share them, but I'm trying to take a break, if you will, from my paper.

I would just like to say that I feel like somewhat of a skeptic about Constantine.  I'm talking about my paper, yes...you may not want to read any more (if anyone does read this), because I just have to free write, and then get back to my "formal" writing for the paper....here it goes:

Maybe I'm right on the money, but more than likely, I'm being crazy skeptical and judgemental about poor Constantine, the Great.  I've decided that he was kind of in the business of Christianity for the political power that he saw it bringing him.  I know some believe that he actually converted to Christianity, and maybe he did, I don't know...but I have a hard time believing that he saw a vision of a Chi Rho, put it on the shield or whatever of his soldiers, won the battle, THEN decided to convert to Christianity, and it was all genuine...(like I said, the probability of this being judgemental is great).  The poor Emperor got shysted out of being emperor in the first place, then eventually became emperor, and in that day, whoever won the battles in the name of whatever 'god' they were fighting for was the 'god' that was worshipped...so like I said, I think it was all a political maneuver on his part...especially all the council of nicea business...

Eusebius:  Here's my Creed, see, it works!
Constantine: Sounds great, let's do that!

COUNCIL: NO!  What are you thinking?  It's too broad, even Arius could agree! [gasps of horror]

Constantine: Oh...well, then....Ossius, how about you go talk to Arius and Alexander and get them to be friends again
Ossius: Okay, I guess I could do that, what are they fighting about, again?
Constantine: idk...just go moderate, see you soon!
Ossius: peace, bro!

Ossius: Hey, Arius, Alex, why can't we all just get along?  [campaigns for hugs]
Arius: Alex sucks, we could never get along!
Alex: Yeah, I will never agree with Arius.  I'm rubber, he's glue, whatever bounces off of me sticks to him! [sticks tongue out]
Ossius: Oh, well, I didn't really know what was going on anyway, so...coo!  Hasta la vista!

Constantine: Crap, Ossius couldn't help...I guess I better call a council...

COUNCIL: We hate Arius, let's just make something that says EVERYTHING opposite of what Arius thinks, then we can call that orthodoxy!
COUNCIL (In unison, minus several members): SWEET!

COUNCIL (above stated, several members): So....Constantine, we don't really agree with this creed, can we have more time to think on it?
Constantine: Freakin' idiots - NO! I need everyone to be happy and get along! Sign the dotted line for goodness's sake and get on with it, it's not the end of the world! I'll excommunicate you if you don't!
COUNCIL (above states, several members): [scared and hesitant] ...okay

Constantine: Sweet, unity!  Now everything will be grand, the Christian God will bless my empire and I'll die rich and prosperous!

{end scene}

If only I could see Constantine as genuine...but it's a little difficult.  I think it was nice of him to create the Edict of Milan with Licinius...but I just don't know about this whole..."I'm gonna make Christianity the religion of the Empire and everyone has to follow it how I want it to be run, or else they are heretics! Burn 'em all...the heretics that is"....I guess I don't see that...

Anyway, now that I was able to express the cartoonish scenario going on in my head, I must get back to said paper....

(Don't hate me because I'm opinionated - I absolutely could be wrong...that's why it's an opinion...)

Peace, bros!

Response to a Public Forum

Last night, I attended a Public Forum at the United Ministry Center on Campus entitled, "Why are We So Mean?"  There were four panelists, two of whom I knew, and two others, all who were either ministers or professors (or variations of both).  As I listened to all the conjecture, some I agreed with and some I did not, I had a little revelation of my own as to the possible cause of this "meanness" that is becoming so much more a part of the public square.

The world is becoming more global.  Within the past, even 10 years, we have been bombarded with international news/culture/fashion/political issues/etc.  There is so much more being thrown out there now than there used to be.  This is not entirely a bad thing, in itself, I personally think that it is important to know what is going on in the world.  That being said, it is inevitable that we are becoming a much more globally minded people.

I think this very simple fact is causing a lot of unrest and distress within people (on a very internal and personal level, possibly even subconsciously).

With everything new being brought to light and having to adapt in order to live in this type of world we are now living in, it is unsettling because "I no longer have to worry about just ME, in my community, but I have to worry about ME and my world, and what that looks like".  I think that people, in the past century, have found themselves and were comfortable in their society because they knew their place in that society.  This was something that was a given and a constant and they could rely on knowing who they were in relation to the 500 other people that they encountered on any given day.  Now, however, there are international affairs affecting the lives of people in our own neighborhoods, there are inter-religious squabbles that are more prominent because people don't know how to react to all of this "new" ideology and they become insecure (not necessarily even knowingly) with themselves and how the "me" relates to the world now.

"me" has become so much smaller in a sense and the need to define "me" is so important, because one does not want to become just another random person in the mix, "me" still needs to know where I stand on things, what I believe, and so because of this....we have become so much more staunch in our debates, in our conversations with friends, and we will not back down in public discourse because to abandon "me" would be the worst thing one could do in the current global situation. (Or so we come to think).

This is all an opinion, and my opinion, so please take it with a grain of salt.  (Not trying to start things, just sharing!) :)

I see the "mean" that is out there and the apparent need for it to always become an "us vs. them" type of ideology in almost ANY arena - not even being confined to the taboo subjects of religion and politics, but in more and more of what we talk about even with our friends and families.  Why does it have to be an "us vs. them?"  What makes "us" any better?  Why can we not approach another human being and have the same decency given to them that we expect them to give to us?  It seems very arrogant and ignorant to expect one to respect your opinions yet in return, slap them in the face with rhetoric and then be offended by what they say....

The public forum was very interesting and brought to light some very serious things that are happening and need to be resolved.  Just thought I would share!

:)