Bin Laden is dead. The news broke a couple hours ago and I have been watching the news reports as they have been streaming into the stations, videos on repeat, reporters rejoicing...
Every time I refreshed my facebook page, there were five more people who had something to add to the rhetoric that has been circulating the internet since the news broke. People are rejoicing, people are happy, praising God that this man is dead, relishing in the knowledge that justice has prevailed...
And I'm sick. I'm absolutely disgusted.
Bin Laden did terrible things. There is no fiber of my being that thinks he made good choices with his life. I do not condone the things that were done or the things that will be done.
But I'm sick. And I am absolutely disgusted by the rhetoric that people are using.
As a Christian, as one who has faith and hope in the sovereignty of God - HOW can I rejoice in the death of any individual? He was loved by God, just like I am. How is his death any different? Because he killed a lot of people? Because people took it upon themselves to join a cause fighting the antithesis of the ideology of Bin Laden and they happened to be "our people"?
How is rejoicing in the death of someone a good thing? How is this different from those of Westboro Baptist, who go and protest soldiers' funerals? Because Bin Laden was bad? We're all bad - just go read facebook from the past two hours. People are celebrating because someone was killed. People are celebrating because someone was killed. People are celebrating because someone was killed.
And it's the most disgusting thing I have ever witnessed. Someone posed the idea:
Would you wash the feet of Bin Laden as Christ did for you?
Because this is what we're called, as Christians, to be. We are to be Jesus to everyone. Everyone always says this, it's a nice little thing to say...pretty, nice, dainty even... If I had to wager a guess as to whether or not people actually buy in to this by the gross display that was facebook's newsfeed tonight, I'd have to say that we're full of...well, a word I typically try not to say.
Grace is for all. For all. Christ died for all. Not: everyone, except those that I don't think deserve it, or could ever deserve it because I said so...
For all.
God be with our nation.
Sunday, May 1
Wednesday, March 23
Going through crap...
I need to start blogging somewhat daily...unfortunately I'm not very good at doing this in the first place, so I need to get exponentially better! :)
Over the last couple of weeks I have slowly been going through things, in fact, if you came over to our house right now it would look as if we had a gaggle of toddlers come through and pull things off shelves, stack things in the hallway, etc. We have given 3 car loads of clothing and miscellaneous items to good will, and still have TOO much random crap. Also, in this process, we have been buying nicer "teaching" clothes for our big move in ten weeks...most of these clothes coming from Gap Outlet or the Clearance rack at Gap...if we're being honest. I feel less terrible about buying a bunch of new clothes when we're buying them at 50%-70% off at all times. Even though there is so much more to do, I've gotten a little accomplished, and feel pretty good.
Going through our things has gotten me thinking...How did we acquire so much stuff...it's random stuff, too. I went through an obscure "junk closet" just yesterday and I found things I bought months ago, still unused and in the packaging....and I have no pragmatic use for it anymore. How much of the stuff I have is actually worth the money or time I spent acquiring it? I guess it comes with moving halfway across the globe - this perspective has made me wonder loads of different things: How will I parent? What important ideals will I hope to instill in my children? How will living abroad affect the way I parent? When we move back to states after we have lived abroad, will I be considered frugal? Will I be the "crazy" missionaries who were never really "missionaries"...that everyone smiles at but makes fun of behind closed doors? Will I still find shopping at Hobby Lobby an enjoyable experience? And I know these are silly questions, or may seem insignificant, I still wonder about them. I don't lose sleep over them, but I wonder.
Wonder. There are so many unknowns in moving, regardless of where you move. Wonder is the one thing that is making me anxious and excited all at the same time. I can't really explain the feeling, but wonder is at the center of it all. Slowly getting rid of things has been an eye-opening experience. These things I can't take with me...so what is important?
At the end of the day...what are the things I don't want to be without? Superficial and insignificant to others...but what are they? It's a weird thing to think about.
Over the last couple of weeks I have slowly been going through things, in fact, if you came over to our house right now it would look as if we had a gaggle of toddlers come through and pull things off shelves, stack things in the hallway, etc. We have given 3 car loads of clothing and miscellaneous items to good will, and still have TOO much random crap. Also, in this process, we have been buying nicer "teaching" clothes for our big move in ten weeks...most of these clothes coming from Gap Outlet or the Clearance rack at Gap...if we're being honest. I feel less terrible about buying a bunch of new clothes when we're buying them at 50%-70% off at all times. Even though there is so much more to do, I've gotten a little accomplished, and feel pretty good.
Going through our things has gotten me thinking...How did we acquire so much stuff...it's random stuff, too. I went through an obscure "junk closet" just yesterday and I found things I bought months ago, still unused and in the packaging....and I have no pragmatic use for it anymore. How much of the stuff I have is actually worth the money or time I spent acquiring it? I guess it comes with moving halfway across the globe - this perspective has made me wonder loads of different things: How will I parent? What important ideals will I hope to instill in my children? How will living abroad affect the way I parent? When we move back to states after we have lived abroad, will I be considered frugal? Will I be the "crazy" missionaries who were never really "missionaries"...that everyone smiles at but makes fun of behind closed doors? Will I still find shopping at Hobby Lobby an enjoyable experience? And I know these are silly questions, or may seem insignificant, I still wonder about them. I don't lose sleep over them, but I wonder.
Wonder. There are so many unknowns in moving, regardless of where you move. Wonder is the one thing that is making me anxious and excited all at the same time. I can't really explain the feeling, but wonder is at the center of it all. Slowly getting rid of things has been an eye-opening experience. These things I can't take with me...so what is important?
At the end of the day...what are the things I don't want to be without? Superficial and insignificant to others...but what are they? It's a weird thing to think about.
Friday, December 10
Last Day of Class...
...for THIS degree.
One of these days, I have big plans to go to graduate school - no idea when, where, for what, or how...but one of these days. Hubby is cool with it, too. :)
Today is the last day of my undergraduate classes for the rest of my life. It's a weird feeling. It's seems silly to be excited about it, mainly because it's taken a long time to get here. When I graduated high school, I had NO desire to continue going to school for a higher education. Growing up in a small-ish town, there are a different set of "worldviews" involved. I am, by no stretch of the imagination, saying that growing up in a small town makes you small-town minded (maybe a little) and, therefore, means - insert list of derogatory things - here. All I am saying is, there are different expectations, and I experienced this firsthand. When my parents forced me to go to college after graduation it was with the BEST of intentions. And I appreciate it...now. At the time, I rebelled. For the year I was away at college, I managed to receive 9 college credits while failing 21 credits. You do the math - not good.
With a 1.5 or so GPA, I quit college and got a job for the next one in a half-two years. Living at home, my parents were gracious enough to allow to stay living with them free of charge and comfortable. Looking back, it seems weird to have done that (where I am now in life), and I am grateful to them for letting me work out my life in the comfort of their home.
Rich and I were married January 6, 2007 - and I continued to not want to go to school (Rich, who would be a career student if it paid the bills, could not understand). I had taken 3 or 6 hours at the community college here and there, and had gained a few more credits to my name, increasing my GPA just a little.
In December of 2007, after talking with my sweet hubby about continuing my education, which he was THRILLED about, I told him I wanted to go to the University of Oklahoma. He plainly said, "Ok." Nervous and excited, I sent off my application, was accepted as a transfer student with 30-36 hours (don't remember), and talks began about moving to Oklahoma.
We moved to Norman, OK, June 2008.
OWC (stealing this from Autumn, as "Our Wonderful Church") became Rich's place of ministry and we both got other jobs as well to supplement our income (I hold to the idea that no one becomes a paid minister because it's going to make you wealthy...just an observation - and those that GET wealthy, I would suggest that maybe what they're doing isn't ministry...but that's a tangent for another blog)
I enrolled in classes for the Fall of 2008, one of them being "Intro to Religious Studies." If I had only known what doors this one class would have opened, I think I would have walked in to the class feeling like I was going in for an interview - nervous, and not myself at all.
Professors B and T Boyd have been instrumental in my degree - and I am indebted to them for their kindness and willingness to work with students, to talk with students, to open up their home to students, and really do anything that can for students. I can honestly say that they live for their students - for the challenges that students have, the sharing of intellectual conversation, the evolution of a student's worldview into something broad, etc. Best professors, ever.
In this entire process, I have had the pleasure of meeting great groups of people in every "life" I have had in Norman: school life, church life, work life, sister life, hubby life. Each group of people I come in to contact with changes me for the better. I have learned much, experienced much, and and grateful for everything!
Norman, OK: I didn't expect much when we first met, and I'm still not sure about you as a geographic location (WHY can't you just be in Texas), but you house some of the greatest people I have ever had the please of meeting, and for that, I am eternally indebted.
"I have been changed for the better...because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
Hundreds of people have gone unnamed, but there are too many names to list you all - just know that I cherish each and every one of you. Thank you for shaping the person I am becoming - and challenging me to grow into something more.
:)
One of these days, I have big plans to go to graduate school - no idea when, where, for what, or how...but one of these days. Hubby is cool with it, too. :)
Today is the last day of my undergraduate classes for the rest of my life. It's a weird feeling. It's seems silly to be excited about it, mainly because it's taken a long time to get here. When I graduated high school, I had NO desire to continue going to school for a higher education. Growing up in a small-ish town, there are a different set of "worldviews" involved. I am, by no stretch of the imagination, saying that growing up in a small town makes you small-town minded (maybe a little) and, therefore, means - insert list of derogatory things - here. All I am saying is, there are different expectations, and I experienced this firsthand. When my parents forced me to go to college after graduation it was with the BEST of intentions. And I appreciate it...now. At the time, I rebelled. For the year I was away at college, I managed to receive 9 college credits while failing 21 credits. You do the math - not good.
With a 1.5 or so GPA, I quit college and got a job for the next one in a half-two years. Living at home, my parents were gracious enough to allow to stay living with them free of charge and comfortable. Looking back, it seems weird to have done that (where I am now in life), and I am grateful to them for letting me work out my life in the comfort of their home.
Rich and I were married January 6, 2007 - and I continued to not want to go to school (Rich, who would be a career student if it paid the bills, could not understand). I had taken 3 or 6 hours at the community college here and there, and had gained a few more credits to my name, increasing my GPA just a little.
In December of 2007, after talking with my sweet hubby about continuing my education, which he was THRILLED about, I told him I wanted to go to the University of Oklahoma. He plainly said, "Ok." Nervous and excited, I sent off my application, was accepted as a transfer student with 30-36 hours (don't remember), and talks began about moving to Oklahoma.
We moved to Norman, OK, June 2008.
OWC (stealing this from Autumn, as "Our Wonderful Church") became Rich's place of ministry and we both got other jobs as well to supplement our income (I hold to the idea that no one becomes a paid minister because it's going to make you wealthy...just an observation - and those that GET wealthy, I would suggest that maybe what they're doing isn't ministry...but that's a tangent for another blog)
I enrolled in classes for the Fall of 2008, one of them being "Intro to Religious Studies." If I had only known what doors this one class would have opened, I think I would have walked in to the class feeling like I was going in for an interview - nervous, and not myself at all.
Professors B and T Boyd have been instrumental in my degree - and I am indebted to them for their kindness and willingness to work with students, to talk with students, to open up their home to students, and really do anything that can for students. I can honestly say that they live for their students - for the challenges that students have, the sharing of intellectual conversation, the evolution of a student's worldview into something broad, etc. Best professors, ever.
In this entire process, I have had the pleasure of meeting great groups of people in every "life" I have had in Norman: school life, church life, work life, sister life, hubby life. Each group of people I come in to contact with changes me for the better. I have learned much, experienced much, and and grateful for everything!
Norman, OK: I didn't expect much when we first met, and I'm still not sure about you as a geographic location (WHY can't you just be in Texas), but you house some of the greatest people I have ever had the please of meeting, and for that, I am eternally indebted.
"I have been changed for the better...because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
Hundreds of people have gone unnamed, but there are too many names to list you all - just know that I cherish each and every one of you. Thank you for shaping the person I am becoming - and challenging me to grow into something more.
:)
Sunday, December 5
Hope & Joy
There are certain moments where I feel like I could burst into tears with joy. Not because something good has happened to me, or something works out in my favor - just random outbursts of joy.
As I was driving to work the other day, I had my iPod playing a random "Shuffle" of my "Christmas" genre music. It was anything from Josh Groban to N'Sync (who, btw, sing a mean a cappella version of "O Holy Night!") But back to the story - a Michael W. Smith song popped up, it was "Sing Noel, Sing Hallelujah." It is a song that has a huge orchestra, and what seems like a 500 person choir. It is one of the most beautifully moving songs I have heard this holiday season - and the mixture of the lyrics that gave me such hope along with the masterful orchestra....it was truly ineffable. This post really doesn't even make sense to you - because you have no idea what I'm talking about. Ineffable.
There is such a sense of hope in the holidays. Not because there are things to look forward to, but because the world seems to get smaller as we realize that there are others less fortunate and realize all that we have been blessed with - material and other. This time of year, at least in this part of the world (which is all I know), there is a spirit of hope and glimpses of joy in everything from a religious experience, a song on the radio, a raw and honest blog post about prayer, or a good home-cooked meal.
This post is not trying to be inspirational and convicting - enough of that will be portrayed during the holiday season.
I was brought to tears by the beauty of music - and it is something I found hopeful with a replenished sense of joy that seems to fade at times.
What gives you hope? What revitalizes your joy?
As I was driving to work the other day, I had my iPod playing a random "Shuffle" of my "Christmas" genre music. It was anything from Josh Groban to N'Sync (who, btw, sing a mean a cappella version of "O Holy Night!") But back to the story - a Michael W. Smith song popped up, it was "Sing Noel, Sing Hallelujah." It is a song that has a huge orchestra, and what seems like a 500 person choir. It is one of the most beautifully moving songs I have heard this holiday season - and the mixture of the lyrics that gave me such hope along with the masterful orchestra....it was truly ineffable. This post really doesn't even make sense to you - because you have no idea what I'm talking about. Ineffable.
There is such a sense of hope in the holidays. Not because there are things to look forward to, but because the world seems to get smaller as we realize that there are others less fortunate and realize all that we have been blessed with - material and other. This time of year, at least in this part of the world (which is all I know), there is a spirit of hope and glimpses of joy in everything from a religious experience, a song on the radio, a raw and honest blog post about prayer, or a good home-cooked meal.
This post is not trying to be inspirational and convicting - enough of that will be portrayed during the holiday season.
I was brought to tears by the beauty of music - and it is something I found hopeful with a replenished sense of joy that seems to fade at times.
What gives you hope? What revitalizes your joy?
Monday, November 29
Books I Want...a blog for myself
Thanksgiving has gone, and now it seems like there is no time at all before Christmas is here. Which is a happy feeling as well as stressful. I graduate on the 17th, and I keep thinking - I have so much to do before then. I have 5 tests. That's it. It doesn't seem like much, but they are in the span of 7 days - that's the kicker. Stress levels are high, but the Christmas trees in my living room help to elicit calm - even when there is none is the foreseeable future.
Hubby and I decided to get gifts for each other this year. This seemed like a good idea at the time we decided, but I have no idea what to get him. Unlike me, he does not have perpetual lists of things that he wants (to my knowledge, anyway). I have a list on the Notes App of my phone and it even has two categories: Things & Books. I love books. If I could just live at Barnes & Noble, or at my imaginary Amazon.com's Library....it would be a happy day. I know there are libraries, but libraries smell after some time...couldn't live there.
Hubby and I decided to get gifts for each other this year. This seemed like a good idea at the time we decided, but I have no idea what to get him. Unlike me, he does not have perpetual lists of things that he wants (to my knowledge, anyway). I have a list on the Notes App of my phone and it even has two categories: Things & Books. I love books. If I could just live at Barnes & Noble, or at my imaginary Amazon.com's Library....it would be a happy day. I know there are libraries, but libraries smell after some time...couldn't live there.
There is one book, in particular, that I have my eye one:
This seems to take all the books in the Hebrew Bible, arrange them in the order that the Hebrew Bible is in, and then puts on verse-by-verse commentaries for the passages. It also includes different rabbinical interpretations and texts, articles from Jewish Scholars, and a few articles on the different ways to interpret the bible! :D
Call me a nerd, but this is exciting! Other's I am interested in are:
I read the back of the cover at a professor's house once and the book has stuck with me. It refers to the one verse in the Qur'an that talks about the crucifixion of Jesus. "But they killed him not, Nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts, with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjunction to follow, for of a surety they killed him not." (4:156-159) This is the verse that the text deals with - and it seems absolutely enthralling! :D
Just sounds interesting - I love Borg & Crossan books, own several of them and am currently reading The First Christmas which discusses what we know about the Infancy Narratives and how this gives them a different/deeper meaning because of this knowledge.
Just a few things I have had my eye on - in the Book column of my list, haha.
One of the reasons I have been putting off buying this i because of the possibility of getting an eReader for graduation. I don't want to bog myself down with pages and pages and pages if I can have digital copies...so we'll see!
The end. Class is starting.
Sunday, November 21
Shut the world out? No, thanks.
My hubby is blogging everyday, and it makes me want to blog again. Now, he's been blogging everyday for over a month and I am writing ONE blog post - I'm not too inspired, but it's baby steps. I came across an amazing music video the other day by a fairly popular artist. It was beautifully and creatively executed - so I went to iTunes (of course), and looked at other songs on the album. Now, it IS a Christian artist - I only divulge this information because it is crucial to what my actual blog is about.
Digression: I don't usually seek out "Christian" music because, to be honest, I'm a little bitter about what the general public think of when they think "Christian" and I don't want to be lumped in to the mediocre general population of the majority of North America. That being said, "No, I don't have another word to use. No, I don't have a better way of describing myself easily. No, I'm not ashamed of being a Christian (for all those who are judging me right now). No, no, no." Take what you want from this rant. The end.
Continuation: On iTunes, you can look at what different people have to say, comments, feedback, etc. about the album that you are pondering purchasing. Now, the first comment on there said a little of this and a little of that...but then, it said this about the music of the album:
"It brings the kingdom in and shuts the world out"
...hmmm, I guess there are different ways to take this.
1) It brings the kingdom in (like good feelings while listening?) and shut the world out (the noises of the workplace/home/car/etc. of wherever you are?)
2) It brings the kingdom in (heaven/future?) and shuts the world out (like, the present?)
3) It brings the kingdom in (God's metaphysical reign on earth?) and shuts the world out (again, like, the present?)
4) It brings the kingdom in (Christian bubble-ness?) and shuts the world out (exclusion of everyone who isn't in the Christian bubble?)
And to be honest, with the unfortunate events of my personal life and job in the past day - I interpreted this statement as #4. Now, if you are not able to sense the progression of sarcasm in that list, I am being a little snarky now (fyi). Is the goal of the average Christian to look forward to those experiences and moments where we feel super Christian-y resulting in everyone different than you being shut out entirely -- and this being something great?
Maybe I'm not being clear enough - the snarky getting in the way?
What I'm trying to say is this: The point of living this life is not to constantly surround oneself with the things one is familiar with and the things that are similar to one. (And I know a lot of the blogs I have written are religiously tainted, but I'm a religious studies major, it's what I tend to notice - and have much to say/critique). Is the goal in life to never be challenged? As a Christian, the reason I don't want myself lumped in to the general population is that I want something different than what Christianity has been known for/seen as for the past half-decade. And you know what I'm talking about - so don't get defensive.
People need to realize that we live on a huge planet - literally- with billions of other people - all different, in every way. All of these people have things to offer each other. I'm sure there is something I can recognize for myself that someone across the world is doing or finding value in that is different from what I am. This is not a threat to who I am or what I stand for - it's a recognition that I am imperfect and regardless of what I tend to think (as a selfish person), I can learn from and appreciate other people in both our similarities and differences.
This is scary? Yeah. This requires me to forget about my self and try new things? Yeah. This is a threat to who I am? No.
Taking something I learned from my Hubby, I charge whoever stumbles across this post (sorry, unfortunate souls), with this:
Find something outside of your 'bubble" worth your while. Something worth your time and energy. Something worth your respect and consideration. Or Someone - go a step further and find someone "other" than you and begin a relationship that will rock your world.
It'll be fun.
Promise.
Digression: I don't usually seek out "Christian" music because, to be honest, I'm a little bitter about what the general public think of when they think "Christian" and I don't want to be lumped in to the mediocre general population of the majority of North America. That being said, "No, I don't have another word to use. No, I don't have a better way of describing myself easily. No, I'm not ashamed of being a Christian (for all those who are judging me right now). No, no, no." Take what you want from this rant. The end.
Continuation: On iTunes, you can look at what different people have to say, comments, feedback, etc. about the album that you are pondering purchasing. Now, the first comment on there said a little of this and a little of that...but then, it said this about the music of the album:
"It brings the kingdom in and shuts the world out"
...hmmm, I guess there are different ways to take this.
1) It brings the kingdom in (like good feelings while listening?) and shut the world out (the noises of the workplace/home/car/etc. of wherever you are?)
2) It brings the kingdom in (heaven/future?) and shuts the world out (like, the present?)
3) It brings the kingdom in (God's metaphysical reign on earth?) and shuts the world out (again, like, the present?)
4) It brings the kingdom in (Christian bubble-ness?) and shuts the world out (exclusion of everyone who isn't in the Christian bubble?)
And to be honest, with the unfortunate events of my personal life and job in the past day - I interpreted this statement as #4. Now, if you are not able to sense the progression of sarcasm in that list, I am being a little snarky now (fyi). Is the goal of the average Christian to look forward to those experiences and moments where we feel super Christian-y resulting in everyone different than you being shut out entirely -- and this being something great?
Maybe I'm not being clear enough - the snarky getting in the way?
What I'm trying to say is this: The point of living this life is not to constantly surround oneself with the things one is familiar with and the things that are similar to one. (And I know a lot of the blogs I have written are religiously tainted, but I'm a religious studies major, it's what I tend to notice - and have much to say/critique). Is the goal in life to never be challenged? As a Christian, the reason I don't want myself lumped in to the general population is that I want something different than what Christianity has been known for/seen as for the past half-decade. And you know what I'm talking about - so don't get defensive.
People need to realize that we live on a huge planet - literally- with billions of other people - all different, in every way. All of these people have things to offer each other. I'm sure there is something I can recognize for myself that someone across the world is doing or finding value in that is different from what I am. This is not a threat to who I am or what I stand for - it's a recognition that I am imperfect and regardless of what I tend to think (as a selfish person), I can learn from and appreciate other people in both our similarities and differences.
This is scary? Yeah. This requires me to forget about my self and try new things? Yeah. This is a threat to who I am? No.
Taking something I learned from my Hubby, I charge whoever stumbles across this post (sorry, unfortunate souls), with this:
Find something outside of your 'bubble" worth your while. Something worth your time and energy. Something worth your respect and consideration. Or Someone - go a step further and find someone "other" than you and begin a relationship that will rock your world.
It'll be fun.
Promise.
Last Storybook Installment - Reuben's Account
REUBEN: (He is sitting in his chair, hunched over with his elbows resting on the tops of his thighs. In a deep, soft, melodic voice he begins. The ball looks like a child’s toy in his big hands. ) I needed to get back on my father’s good side. Father was mad at me - so mad that he was going to take away my inheritance. I had taken part in slaughtering some of his cattle. It was a mistake, and I killed too many. I should have waited to see if we had enough, but I just wanted to get it done - I had better things to do. Because of this, father was angry. One day, we - most of my brothers and I - were away from the house. We were days away and father sent Joseph to find us. I assume it was to make sure we were all okay - which we were. He was such a punk...we all hated him. He knew we hated him so I don’t know why he came to us, alone, and unarmed.
(He lowers his head and stares at the ball as he turns it slowly in his hands - not worried. He is very casual about the events of his story, almost psychotic.)
REUBEN: I’m not the smartest person, but I could feel that this was my moment. I needed to be cunning and quick without being too obvious. We hated Jospeh, and with good reason. He would prance around the house and fields, wearing that stupid coat father had given him. His hands were soft from being lazy and taking advantage of father’s adoration of him. As he approached our tents, I could feel the hatred rising between us all with each step he took closer. It was a palpable, intense hatred. The surrounding noises of the desert even seemed to quiet on his slow approach. Simon wanted to kill him right then and blame it on some thieves; that’s what father was worried about in the first place when he sent Joseph to make sure we were alright. (He is unnervingly calm as nothing falters in his voice. He continues, steadily.) I needed to be quick, and I was. Hastily, I spoke with Simon and Gad and convinced them that Joseph wasn’t worth our efforts in trying to kill him. An easy kill is much less gratifying than a slow and horrific murder. I needed to keep everything in order if I was going to come out ahead in all of this. I was going to have my inheritance, by God.
(Everyone is looking a little nervous, including THERAPIST. They are staring at each other with worry in their faces.)
REUBEN: I suggested that instead of killing him, which would have been too easy, that we throw him in a deep pit filled with scorpions and snakes. Since I was the oldest, my brothers didn’t see a problem with this suggestion. As much as I wished he would suffer a slow and painful death, I needed him alive. I planned to stay behind when my brothers left the next morning for Egypt. I explained, to my brothers, that I needed to make sure he stayed put and didn’t escape. However, this was the perfect opportunity to save him and get him back, generally unscathed, to father.
(He begins to get a little angry.)
REUBEN: Perfect plan. Joseph in agony and Reuben back in father’s good graces - pure brilliance. (He begins to yell, suddenly.) But no! I waited all night, gloating about how it was going to turn out. No! My stupid brothers, only thinking of themselves and the measly profit they could make, sold Joseph. NO! (talks faster) When I went to get him, he was gone! My brothers came back and told me what had happened: they had sold Joseph to some cheap merchants for a pathetic amount of money! They were too stupid and dense to see what needed to happen. They would have hated me for it, but they couldn’t realize what it would’ve meant to father. They didn’t have anything to lose, but I did, and I had lost it. Father never granted me my inheritance after that. All of Joseph’s dreams came true, and in the end he became king of Egypt...bastard. He gained everything that I should have had, and I will never forget.
(Reuben stands up and silently sets the ball down on his seat. He looks at everyone in the circle and strides out of the room as if nothing was wrong.)
(He lowers his head and stares at the ball as he turns it slowly in his hands - not worried. He is very casual about the events of his story, almost psychotic.)
REUBEN: I’m not the smartest person, but I could feel that this was my moment. I needed to be cunning and quick without being too obvious. We hated Jospeh, and with good reason. He would prance around the house and fields, wearing that stupid coat father had given him. His hands were soft from being lazy and taking advantage of father’s adoration of him. As he approached our tents, I could feel the hatred rising between us all with each step he took closer. It was a palpable, intense hatred. The surrounding noises of the desert even seemed to quiet on his slow approach. Simon wanted to kill him right then and blame it on some thieves; that’s what father was worried about in the first place when he sent Joseph to make sure we were alright. (He is unnervingly calm as nothing falters in his voice. He continues, steadily.) I needed to be quick, and I was. Hastily, I spoke with Simon and Gad and convinced them that Joseph wasn’t worth our efforts in trying to kill him. An easy kill is much less gratifying than a slow and horrific murder. I needed to keep everything in order if I was going to come out ahead in all of this. I was going to have my inheritance, by God.
(Everyone is looking a little nervous, including THERAPIST. They are staring at each other with worry in their faces.)
REUBEN: I suggested that instead of killing him, which would have been too easy, that we throw him in a deep pit filled with scorpions and snakes. Since I was the oldest, my brothers didn’t see a problem with this suggestion. As much as I wished he would suffer a slow and painful death, I needed him alive. I planned to stay behind when my brothers left the next morning for Egypt. I explained, to my brothers, that I needed to make sure he stayed put and didn’t escape. However, this was the perfect opportunity to save him and get him back, generally unscathed, to father.
(He begins to get a little angry.)
REUBEN: Perfect plan. Joseph in agony and Reuben back in father’s good graces - pure brilliance. (He begins to yell, suddenly.) But no! I waited all night, gloating about how it was going to turn out. No! My stupid brothers, only thinking of themselves and the measly profit they could make, sold Joseph. NO! (talks faster) When I went to get him, he was gone! My brothers came back and told me what had happened: they had sold Joseph to some cheap merchants for a pathetic amount of money! They were too stupid and dense to see what needed to happen. They would have hated me for it, but they couldn’t realize what it would’ve meant to father. They didn’t have anything to lose, but I did, and I had lost it. Father never granted me my inheritance after that. All of Joseph’s dreams came true, and in the end he became king of Egypt...bastard. He gained everything that I should have had, and I will never forget.
(Reuben stands up and silently sets the ball down on his seat. He looks at everyone in the circle and strides out of the room as if nothing was wrong.)
THERAPIST: (Once she comes back to the situation, she calls to Reuben as he is almost at the door.) Reuben, please come back. We are not finished here. (He doesn’t turn back but opens the door and walks out. THERAPIST is a little unnerved and doesn’t quite know what to say. She mumbles a little under her voice - some broken thoughts.) ...alright. Well, we still have ten minutes left in the session...um...do any of you want to talk about what just happened here? (smiles weakly)
(silence for quite a while)
THERAPIST: Okay...I guess we’re done? I will see you all next session. You are free to leave.
(Slowly, intermittently, the guys all stand to leave. No one says a word, and THERAPIST is left sitting in the room staring at her notepad, still. She lets out a quick breath, looks up, pats her hair to make sure it’s fixed, straightens her glasses, stands up, pauses a moment, lets out another breath, and walks out of the room. The lights dim on the empty room. The only bright light that remains is on the chair with the red ball. The only thing you can hear are THERAPIST’s heels as she walks down the linoleum hallway. The sound gets softer and softer until silence. Black out.)
Author’s Note: The original story mentions that Reuben had the plan to not kill Joseph, but to put him in a pit in order to get on his father’s good side again. I liked this element of the story, and wanted to keep it in the retelling, mainly because I didn't want all of the characters to have redeeming qualities from their side of things. Reuben was the oldest and he would have been responsible for whatever happened, yes, but I wanted him to be psychotic. He needed to have that sadistic edge that was unnerving to read about. The original story said that Joseph knew his brothers hated him, and that everyone knew except their father. It all works out in the end, though, because Joseph eventually becomes King of Egypt and all is well. Also, my story ends rather abruptly, which is intentional. With this being the last story of my storybook, I want to leave the readers with something to think about. Not everything is resolved and not everyone is seen in a more positive light. I wanted Reuben to come off as a darker personality than how he is portrayed in the original story. With the Serpent, for instance, I wanted him to be pitied and Cain, I wanted him to show his remorse. I needed Reuben to be the character that was so twisted, you hate him more after reading his side. The focus on the red ball at the end shows that even though they each had a chance to share, there is an uneasy, lingering element that cannot be removed.
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