There are certain moments where I feel like I could burst into tears with joy. Not because something good has happened to me, or something works out in my favor - just random outbursts of joy.
As I was driving to work the other day, I had my iPod playing a random "Shuffle" of my "Christmas" genre music. It was anything from Josh Groban to N'Sync (who, btw, sing a mean a cappella version of "O Holy Night!") But back to the story - a Michael W. Smith song popped up, it was "Sing Noel, Sing Hallelujah." It is a song that has a huge orchestra, and what seems like a 500 person choir. It is one of the most beautifully moving songs I have heard this holiday season - and the mixture of the lyrics that gave me such hope along with the masterful orchestra....it was truly ineffable. This post really doesn't even make sense to you - because you have no idea what I'm talking about. Ineffable.
There is such a sense of hope in the holidays. Not because there are things to look forward to, but because the world seems to get smaller as we realize that there are others less fortunate and realize all that we have been blessed with - material and other. This time of year, at least in this part of the world (which is all I know), there is a spirit of hope and glimpses of joy in everything from a religious experience, a song on the radio, a raw and honest blog post about prayer, or a good home-cooked meal.
This post is not trying to be inspirational and convicting - enough of that will be portrayed during the holiday season.
I was brought to tears by the beauty of music - and it is something I found hopeful with a replenished sense of joy that seems to fade at times.
What gives you hope? What revitalizes your joy?
Sunday, December 5
Monday, November 29
Books I Want...a blog for myself
Thanksgiving has gone, and now it seems like there is no time at all before Christmas is here. Which is a happy feeling as well as stressful. I graduate on the 17th, and I keep thinking - I have so much to do before then. I have 5 tests. That's it. It doesn't seem like much, but they are in the span of 7 days - that's the kicker. Stress levels are high, but the Christmas trees in my living room help to elicit calm - even when there is none is the foreseeable future.
Hubby and I decided to get gifts for each other this year. This seemed like a good idea at the time we decided, but I have no idea what to get him. Unlike me, he does not have perpetual lists of things that he wants (to my knowledge, anyway). I have a list on the Notes App of my phone and it even has two categories: Things & Books. I love books. If I could just live at Barnes & Noble, or at my imaginary Amazon.com's Library....it would be a happy day. I know there are libraries, but libraries smell after some time...couldn't live there.
Hubby and I decided to get gifts for each other this year. This seemed like a good idea at the time we decided, but I have no idea what to get him. Unlike me, he does not have perpetual lists of things that he wants (to my knowledge, anyway). I have a list on the Notes App of my phone and it even has two categories: Things & Books. I love books. If I could just live at Barnes & Noble, or at my imaginary Amazon.com's Library....it would be a happy day. I know there are libraries, but libraries smell after some time...couldn't live there.
There is one book, in particular, that I have my eye one:
This seems to take all the books in the Hebrew Bible, arrange them in the order that the Hebrew Bible is in, and then puts on verse-by-verse commentaries for the passages. It also includes different rabbinical interpretations and texts, articles from Jewish Scholars, and a few articles on the different ways to interpret the bible! :D
Call me a nerd, but this is exciting! Other's I am interested in are:
I read the back of the cover at a professor's house once and the book has stuck with me. It refers to the one verse in the Qur'an that talks about the crucifixion of Jesus. "But they killed him not, Nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts, with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjunction to follow, for of a surety they killed him not." (4:156-159) This is the verse that the text deals with - and it seems absolutely enthralling! :D
Just sounds interesting - I love Borg & Crossan books, own several of them and am currently reading The First Christmas which discusses what we know about the Infancy Narratives and how this gives them a different/deeper meaning because of this knowledge.
Just a few things I have had my eye on - in the Book column of my list, haha.
One of the reasons I have been putting off buying this i because of the possibility of getting an eReader for graduation. I don't want to bog myself down with pages and pages and pages if I can have digital copies...so we'll see!
The end. Class is starting.
Sunday, November 21
Shut the world out? No, thanks.
My hubby is blogging everyday, and it makes me want to blog again. Now, he's been blogging everyday for over a month and I am writing ONE blog post - I'm not too inspired, but it's baby steps. I came across an amazing music video the other day by a fairly popular artist. It was beautifully and creatively executed - so I went to iTunes (of course), and looked at other songs on the album. Now, it IS a Christian artist - I only divulge this information because it is crucial to what my actual blog is about.
Digression: I don't usually seek out "Christian" music because, to be honest, I'm a little bitter about what the general public think of when they think "Christian" and I don't want to be lumped in to the mediocre general population of the majority of North America. That being said, "No, I don't have another word to use. No, I don't have a better way of describing myself easily. No, I'm not ashamed of being a Christian (for all those who are judging me right now). No, no, no." Take what you want from this rant. The end.
Continuation: On iTunes, you can look at what different people have to say, comments, feedback, etc. about the album that you are pondering purchasing. Now, the first comment on there said a little of this and a little of that...but then, it said this about the music of the album:
"It brings the kingdom in and shuts the world out"
...hmmm, I guess there are different ways to take this.
1) It brings the kingdom in (like good feelings while listening?) and shut the world out (the noises of the workplace/home/car/etc. of wherever you are?)
2) It brings the kingdom in (heaven/future?) and shuts the world out (like, the present?)
3) It brings the kingdom in (God's metaphysical reign on earth?) and shuts the world out (again, like, the present?)
4) It brings the kingdom in (Christian bubble-ness?) and shuts the world out (exclusion of everyone who isn't in the Christian bubble?)
And to be honest, with the unfortunate events of my personal life and job in the past day - I interpreted this statement as #4. Now, if you are not able to sense the progression of sarcasm in that list, I am being a little snarky now (fyi). Is the goal of the average Christian to look forward to those experiences and moments where we feel super Christian-y resulting in everyone different than you being shut out entirely -- and this being something great?
Maybe I'm not being clear enough - the snarky getting in the way?
What I'm trying to say is this: The point of living this life is not to constantly surround oneself with the things one is familiar with and the things that are similar to one. (And I know a lot of the blogs I have written are religiously tainted, but I'm a religious studies major, it's what I tend to notice - and have much to say/critique). Is the goal in life to never be challenged? As a Christian, the reason I don't want myself lumped in to the general population is that I want something different than what Christianity has been known for/seen as for the past half-decade. And you know what I'm talking about - so don't get defensive.
People need to realize that we live on a huge planet - literally- with billions of other people - all different, in every way. All of these people have things to offer each other. I'm sure there is something I can recognize for myself that someone across the world is doing or finding value in that is different from what I am. This is not a threat to who I am or what I stand for - it's a recognition that I am imperfect and regardless of what I tend to think (as a selfish person), I can learn from and appreciate other people in both our similarities and differences.
This is scary? Yeah. This requires me to forget about my self and try new things? Yeah. This is a threat to who I am? No.
Taking something I learned from my Hubby, I charge whoever stumbles across this post (sorry, unfortunate souls), with this:
Find something outside of your 'bubble" worth your while. Something worth your time and energy. Something worth your respect and consideration. Or Someone - go a step further and find someone "other" than you and begin a relationship that will rock your world.
It'll be fun.
Promise.
Digression: I don't usually seek out "Christian" music because, to be honest, I'm a little bitter about what the general public think of when they think "Christian" and I don't want to be lumped in to the mediocre general population of the majority of North America. That being said, "No, I don't have another word to use. No, I don't have a better way of describing myself easily. No, I'm not ashamed of being a Christian (for all those who are judging me right now). No, no, no." Take what you want from this rant. The end.
Continuation: On iTunes, you can look at what different people have to say, comments, feedback, etc. about the album that you are pondering purchasing. Now, the first comment on there said a little of this and a little of that...but then, it said this about the music of the album:
"It brings the kingdom in and shuts the world out"
...hmmm, I guess there are different ways to take this.
1) It brings the kingdom in (like good feelings while listening?) and shut the world out (the noises of the workplace/home/car/etc. of wherever you are?)
2) It brings the kingdom in (heaven/future?) and shuts the world out (like, the present?)
3) It brings the kingdom in (God's metaphysical reign on earth?) and shuts the world out (again, like, the present?)
4) It brings the kingdom in (Christian bubble-ness?) and shuts the world out (exclusion of everyone who isn't in the Christian bubble?)
And to be honest, with the unfortunate events of my personal life and job in the past day - I interpreted this statement as #4. Now, if you are not able to sense the progression of sarcasm in that list, I am being a little snarky now (fyi). Is the goal of the average Christian to look forward to those experiences and moments where we feel super Christian-y resulting in everyone different than you being shut out entirely -- and this being something great?
Maybe I'm not being clear enough - the snarky getting in the way?
What I'm trying to say is this: The point of living this life is not to constantly surround oneself with the things one is familiar with and the things that are similar to one. (And I know a lot of the blogs I have written are religiously tainted, but I'm a religious studies major, it's what I tend to notice - and have much to say/critique). Is the goal in life to never be challenged? As a Christian, the reason I don't want myself lumped in to the general population is that I want something different than what Christianity has been known for/seen as for the past half-decade. And you know what I'm talking about - so don't get defensive.
People need to realize that we live on a huge planet - literally- with billions of other people - all different, in every way. All of these people have things to offer each other. I'm sure there is something I can recognize for myself that someone across the world is doing or finding value in that is different from what I am. This is not a threat to who I am or what I stand for - it's a recognition that I am imperfect and regardless of what I tend to think (as a selfish person), I can learn from and appreciate other people in both our similarities and differences.
This is scary? Yeah. This requires me to forget about my self and try new things? Yeah. This is a threat to who I am? No.
Taking something I learned from my Hubby, I charge whoever stumbles across this post (sorry, unfortunate souls), with this:
Find something outside of your 'bubble" worth your while. Something worth your time and energy. Something worth your respect and consideration. Or Someone - go a step further and find someone "other" than you and begin a relationship that will rock your world.
It'll be fun.
Promise.
Last Storybook Installment - Reuben's Account
REUBEN: (He is sitting in his chair, hunched over with his elbows resting on the tops of his thighs. In a deep, soft, melodic voice he begins. The ball looks like a child’s toy in his big hands. ) I needed to get back on my father’s good side. Father was mad at me - so mad that he was going to take away my inheritance. I had taken part in slaughtering some of his cattle. It was a mistake, and I killed too many. I should have waited to see if we had enough, but I just wanted to get it done - I had better things to do. Because of this, father was angry. One day, we - most of my brothers and I - were away from the house. We were days away and father sent Joseph to find us. I assume it was to make sure we were all okay - which we were. He was such a punk...we all hated him. He knew we hated him so I don’t know why he came to us, alone, and unarmed.
(He lowers his head and stares at the ball as he turns it slowly in his hands - not worried. He is very casual about the events of his story, almost psychotic.)
REUBEN: I’m not the smartest person, but I could feel that this was my moment. I needed to be cunning and quick without being too obvious. We hated Jospeh, and with good reason. He would prance around the house and fields, wearing that stupid coat father had given him. His hands were soft from being lazy and taking advantage of father’s adoration of him. As he approached our tents, I could feel the hatred rising between us all with each step he took closer. It was a palpable, intense hatred. The surrounding noises of the desert even seemed to quiet on his slow approach. Simon wanted to kill him right then and blame it on some thieves; that’s what father was worried about in the first place when he sent Joseph to make sure we were alright. (He is unnervingly calm as nothing falters in his voice. He continues, steadily.) I needed to be quick, and I was. Hastily, I spoke with Simon and Gad and convinced them that Joseph wasn’t worth our efforts in trying to kill him. An easy kill is much less gratifying than a slow and horrific murder. I needed to keep everything in order if I was going to come out ahead in all of this. I was going to have my inheritance, by God.
(Everyone is looking a little nervous, including THERAPIST. They are staring at each other with worry in their faces.)
REUBEN: I suggested that instead of killing him, which would have been too easy, that we throw him in a deep pit filled with scorpions and snakes. Since I was the oldest, my brothers didn’t see a problem with this suggestion. As much as I wished he would suffer a slow and painful death, I needed him alive. I planned to stay behind when my brothers left the next morning for Egypt. I explained, to my brothers, that I needed to make sure he stayed put and didn’t escape. However, this was the perfect opportunity to save him and get him back, generally unscathed, to father.
(He begins to get a little angry.)
REUBEN: Perfect plan. Joseph in agony and Reuben back in father’s good graces - pure brilliance. (He begins to yell, suddenly.) But no! I waited all night, gloating about how it was going to turn out. No! My stupid brothers, only thinking of themselves and the measly profit they could make, sold Joseph. NO! (talks faster) When I went to get him, he was gone! My brothers came back and told me what had happened: they had sold Joseph to some cheap merchants for a pathetic amount of money! They were too stupid and dense to see what needed to happen. They would have hated me for it, but they couldn’t realize what it would’ve meant to father. They didn’t have anything to lose, but I did, and I had lost it. Father never granted me my inheritance after that. All of Joseph’s dreams came true, and in the end he became king of Egypt...bastard. He gained everything that I should have had, and I will never forget.
(Reuben stands up and silently sets the ball down on his seat. He looks at everyone in the circle and strides out of the room as if nothing was wrong.)
(He lowers his head and stares at the ball as he turns it slowly in his hands - not worried. He is very casual about the events of his story, almost psychotic.)
REUBEN: I’m not the smartest person, but I could feel that this was my moment. I needed to be cunning and quick without being too obvious. We hated Jospeh, and with good reason. He would prance around the house and fields, wearing that stupid coat father had given him. His hands were soft from being lazy and taking advantage of father’s adoration of him. As he approached our tents, I could feel the hatred rising between us all with each step he took closer. It was a palpable, intense hatred. The surrounding noises of the desert even seemed to quiet on his slow approach. Simon wanted to kill him right then and blame it on some thieves; that’s what father was worried about in the first place when he sent Joseph to make sure we were alright. (He is unnervingly calm as nothing falters in his voice. He continues, steadily.) I needed to be quick, and I was. Hastily, I spoke with Simon and Gad and convinced them that Joseph wasn’t worth our efforts in trying to kill him. An easy kill is much less gratifying than a slow and horrific murder. I needed to keep everything in order if I was going to come out ahead in all of this. I was going to have my inheritance, by God.
(Everyone is looking a little nervous, including THERAPIST. They are staring at each other with worry in their faces.)
REUBEN: I suggested that instead of killing him, which would have been too easy, that we throw him in a deep pit filled with scorpions and snakes. Since I was the oldest, my brothers didn’t see a problem with this suggestion. As much as I wished he would suffer a slow and painful death, I needed him alive. I planned to stay behind when my brothers left the next morning for Egypt. I explained, to my brothers, that I needed to make sure he stayed put and didn’t escape. However, this was the perfect opportunity to save him and get him back, generally unscathed, to father.
(He begins to get a little angry.)
REUBEN: Perfect plan. Joseph in agony and Reuben back in father’s good graces - pure brilliance. (He begins to yell, suddenly.) But no! I waited all night, gloating about how it was going to turn out. No! My stupid brothers, only thinking of themselves and the measly profit they could make, sold Joseph. NO! (talks faster) When I went to get him, he was gone! My brothers came back and told me what had happened: they had sold Joseph to some cheap merchants for a pathetic amount of money! They were too stupid and dense to see what needed to happen. They would have hated me for it, but they couldn’t realize what it would’ve meant to father. They didn’t have anything to lose, but I did, and I had lost it. Father never granted me my inheritance after that. All of Joseph’s dreams came true, and in the end he became king of Egypt...bastard. He gained everything that I should have had, and I will never forget.
(Reuben stands up and silently sets the ball down on his seat. He looks at everyone in the circle and strides out of the room as if nothing was wrong.)
THERAPIST: (Once she comes back to the situation, she calls to Reuben as he is almost at the door.) Reuben, please come back. We are not finished here. (He doesn’t turn back but opens the door and walks out. THERAPIST is a little unnerved and doesn’t quite know what to say. She mumbles a little under her voice - some broken thoughts.) ...alright. Well, we still have ten minutes left in the session...um...do any of you want to talk about what just happened here? (smiles weakly)
(silence for quite a while)
THERAPIST: Okay...I guess we’re done? I will see you all next session. You are free to leave.
(Slowly, intermittently, the guys all stand to leave. No one says a word, and THERAPIST is left sitting in the room staring at her notepad, still. She lets out a quick breath, looks up, pats her hair to make sure it’s fixed, straightens her glasses, stands up, pauses a moment, lets out another breath, and walks out of the room. The lights dim on the empty room. The only bright light that remains is on the chair with the red ball. The only thing you can hear are THERAPIST’s heels as she walks down the linoleum hallway. The sound gets softer and softer until silence. Black out.)
Author’s Note: The original story mentions that Reuben had the plan to not kill Joseph, but to put him in a pit in order to get on his father’s good side again. I liked this element of the story, and wanted to keep it in the retelling, mainly because I didn't want all of the characters to have redeeming qualities from their side of things. Reuben was the oldest and he would have been responsible for whatever happened, yes, but I wanted him to be psychotic. He needed to have that sadistic edge that was unnerving to read about. The original story said that Joseph knew his brothers hated him, and that everyone knew except their father. It all works out in the end, though, because Joseph eventually becomes King of Egypt and all is well. Also, my story ends rather abruptly, which is intentional. With this being the last story of my storybook, I want to leave the readers with something to think about. Not everything is resolved and not everyone is seen in a more positive light. I wanted Reuben to come off as a darker personality than how he is portrayed in the original story. With the Serpent, for instance, I wanted him to be pitied and Cain, I wanted him to show his remorse. I needed Reuben to be the character that was so twisted, you hate him more after reading his side. The focus on the red ball at the end shows that even though they each had a chance to share, there is an uneasy, lingering element that cannot be removed.
Tuesday, October 19
Cain's Story
CAIN: Well, um...I guess I have to talk. (THERAPIST hands Cain the ball) I’m Cain I was the oldest. I guess the thing you want to know is whether or not I did it. I did... (Looks down into his lap and turns the ball in his hands intently focused on it) I didn’t mean it and I didn’t want it to happen. (There is a long pause. His voice breaks occasionally like he is on the verge of tears) There was this girl that I liked. I’m really shy and I don’t talk much. Abel talked all the time, and all the girls really liked him. Because I was the oldest, though, I had my choice, and I don’t want that to seem like she had to be with me, but I really wanted her to be with me...
(There is a long, uncomfortable silence.)
THERAPIST: Cain, can you continue? We can come back to you in a minute if you would like.
CAIN: (Begins with more fervor and anger, griping the ball very tightly in his hands; squeezing) No. My brother was always better at things than me. He was the favorite with mom and dad. All the girls loved him and wanted to be with him. She wanted to be with him. I could have given her more than Abel could have given her. I actually loved her. He only loved the idea of loving her. He was too concerned with himself. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I provided for my family and I served God. What more did I need to do? What more could anyone...
THERAPIST: Please continue Cain, you are doing great! (smiles curtly) Please include only “I” statements. This is your story, no one else’s.
CAIN: (Speaks quickly while his eyes wander back and forth around the room firmly griping the ball in his right hand the entire time) One day I was in the field gathering food and grain because it was autumn. It would be cold soon and we were going to need a supply of food for the winter months when there was less produced. I was hungry and I ate something. I offered the rest to God, and Abel came and told me I was an idiot for thinking that God wanted anything I gave him. God needed what was best, not my stupid scraps. I know that God needs what is best, and I know that God wanted me to have the things that he had given me and to be grateful for them as well. Abel wouldn’t hear it and he kept yelling at me. We were alone. I was supposed to stand up for myself. I decided that I wouldn’t take it anymore, so I told him to, ‘shut up.’ He just kept yelling and I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t put my thoughts together, and I couldn’t say anything that made sense. It all came out the wrong way. I told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about and that he had everything he could ever ask for and God didn’t want what he had to offer because it wasn’t a good offering. Abel was a jerk and he had her. The girl I loved wanted to be with Abel. She didn’t want me. She chose Abel over me. (his voice gets louder) I could never have given her everything she deserved, she was perfect. I would have done anything for her, and she still chose Abel. He was such an ass. I tried to tell her that he didn’t love her. He couldn’t love, and he didn’t know how but he was more handsome and more eloquent than me...so she chose him.
(He stands up, moves outside of the circle and starts pacing around the room. Everyone is watching closely as his voices gets louder and his anger mounts)
He just kept yelling at me. I know he is bigger than me, much stronger than me. I was quick. I had had enough of it. All my life I was never good enough for anyone. I never could do the work well enough for dad, and I could never be pious enough for my brother...the hypocrite. I don’t remember exactly what I thought would happen, but I picked up a rock. It was not a big rock, just a palm-sized stone. Abel was too busy berating me to notice. I was low to ground and I looked up at Abel and just threw it. (Throws the ball against the wall. Everyone jumps, startled) It was so liberating. He didn’t know what had happened, and before he could process it, I picked up another and threw it. Then I picked up another, and another. We wrestled on the ground for a long time...he was much stronger than I was, but I had this rage inside of me that I needed to let loose.
(He stops pacing and his voice quiets back to normal. He talks slowly, every word carrying immense weight)
I didn’t intend to harm him. He was bigger than I was, but then he stopped moving. His neck twisted...it’s still a blur, somewhat...but I did it. I won’t deny it, I just didn’t mean for it to happen...(sits back hard into his chair, staring off into nothing, dazed)
THERAPIST: That was very good Cain, I appreciate your honesty and your feelings. I am very impressed. Would you like a drink of water?
CAIN: (He doesn’t say a word but stares straight ahead at nothing in particular. His eyes water and tear falls down his cheek)
THERAPIST: Well done, Cain. Now, Pharaoh? (THERAPIST stands, picks up the ball, and hands it, non-plussed, to PHARAOH, who takes it, looking at it quizzically)
My Storybook Website
(There is a long, uncomfortable silence.)
THERAPIST: Cain, can you continue? We can come back to you in a minute if you would like.
CAIN: (Begins with more fervor and anger, griping the ball very tightly in his hands; squeezing) No. My brother was always better at things than me. He was the favorite with mom and dad. All the girls loved him and wanted to be with him. She wanted to be with him. I could have given her more than Abel could have given her. I actually loved her. He only loved the idea of loving her. He was too concerned with himself. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I provided for my family and I served God. What more did I need to do? What more could anyone...
THERAPIST: Please continue Cain, you are doing great! (smiles curtly) Please include only “I” statements. This is your story, no one else’s.
CAIN: (Speaks quickly while his eyes wander back and forth around the room firmly griping the ball in his right hand the entire time) One day I was in the field gathering food and grain because it was autumn. It would be cold soon and we were going to need a supply of food for the winter months when there was less produced. I was hungry and I ate something. I offered the rest to God, and Abel came and told me I was an idiot for thinking that God wanted anything I gave him. God needed what was best, not my stupid scraps. I know that God needs what is best, and I know that God wanted me to have the things that he had given me and to be grateful for them as well. Abel wouldn’t hear it and he kept yelling at me. We were alone. I was supposed to stand up for myself. I decided that I wouldn’t take it anymore, so I told him to, ‘shut up.’ He just kept yelling and I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t put my thoughts together, and I couldn’t say anything that made sense. It all came out the wrong way. I told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about and that he had everything he could ever ask for and God didn’t want what he had to offer because it wasn’t a good offering. Abel was a jerk and he had her. The girl I loved wanted to be with Abel. She didn’t want me. She chose Abel over me. (his voice gets louder) I could never have given her everything she deserved, she was perfect. I would have done anything for her, and she still chose Abel. He was such an ass. I tried to tell her that he didn’t love her. He couldn’t love, and he didn’t know how but he was more handsome and more eloquent than me...so she chose him.
(He stands up, moves outside of the circle and starts pacing around the room. Everyone is watching closely as his voices gets louder and his anger mounts)
He just kept yelling at me. I know he is bigger than me, much stronger than me. I was quick. I had had enough of it. All my life I was never good enough for anyone. I never could do the work well enough for dad, and I could never be pious enough for my brother...the hypocrite. I don’t remember exactly what I thought would happen, but I picked up a rock. It was not a big rock, just a palm-sized stone. Abel was too busy berating me to notice. I was low to ground and I looked up at Abel and just threw it. (Throws the ball against the wall. Everyone jumps, startled) It was so liberating. He didn’t know what had happened, and before he could process it, I picked up another and threw it. Then I picked up another, and another. We wrestled on the ground for a long time...he was much stronger than I was, but I had this rage inside of me that I needed to let loose.
(He stops pacing and his voice quiets back to normal. He talks slowly, every word carrying immense weight)
I didn’t intend to harm him. He was bigger than I was, but then he stopped moving. His neck twisted...it’s still a blur, somewhat...but I did it. I won’t deny it, I just didn’t mean for it to happen...(sits back hard into his chair, staring off into nothing, dazed)
THERAPIST: That was very good Cain, I appreciate your honesty and your feelings. I am very impressed. Would you like a drink of water?
CAIN: (He doesn’t say a word but stares straight ahead at nothing in particular. His eyes water and tear falls down his cheek)
THERAPIST: Well done, Cain. Now, Pharaoh? (THERAPIST stands, picks up the ball, and hands it, non-plussed, to PHARAOH, who takes it, looking at it quizzically)
My Storybook Website
Friday, October 8
Stories
I am in the process of a creating a 4-story, weblog/book for one of my online classes. This is the first of my four stories which I have chosen to create! I have taken a text (The Legends of the Jews/ Ginzberg) and am required to re-tell the stories in a creative way, so I chose four "villians" which will be written about over the remainder of the semester. I'll include the frametale (setup) before this particular post...hope you enjoy! (And these are all pre-editing)
------------------------
FRAMETALE:
(Group of four men sitting in half circle with a young woman: THERAPIST)
THERAPIST: Welcome! This is Group Therapy. I want to go around the circle and have you tell the group your name, and the reason you feel you are here. Let’s start with...(pause, looks around trying to quickly decide who should go first)...Serpent. Will you please answer these questions? (Smiles)
SERPENT: (Tall, lanky, 17 years old, handsome and charming, dark hair and eyes, coy smile. Voice is melodic, “s” sounds very pronounced; slight British accent, seems fake) So...I am Serpent.
ALL: (monotone) Hi, Serpent.
SERPENT: I “feel” I am here because of a slight misunderstanding involving a husband and his wife. Go on?
THERAPIST: Perfect, thank you, Serpent. Cain, would you be comfortable with going next?
CAIN: (Muscular guy, average height, 25 years old, long wavy golden hair, slight southern drawl) Um...well, I’m Cain, I guess.
ALL: (monotone) Hi, Cain.
CAIN: Yeah, well...um, I guess I feel like I’m here ‘cause I had a mishap with my brother, Abel. Wrong place, wrong time...ya know.
THERAPIST: Thank you, Cain. You don’t have to feel the need to justify anything. We are here to talk freely without judging each other. (Nods head in agreement, Cain relaxes) Okay, how about Pharaoh?
PHARAOH: (Middle Eastern, dark skin, dark hair, deep and airy voice. Superb English, hint of a French accent) Hello, I am Pharaoh.
ALL: (monotone, slightly frustrated) Hi, Pharaoh.
PHARAOH: I feel as if I am here because of a poor judgment call concerning the Israelites in my employ. (Pauses and looks at THERAPIST to make sure this is adequate).
THERAPIST: That was perfectly adequate Pharaoh. Thank you. Now, Reuben?
REUBEN: (Fidgety, burly guy with wandering eyes, soft spoken) My name is Reuben.
ALL: (monotone, nonchalant) Hi Reuben.
REUBEN: I didn’t want to, but I basically sold my brother...
THERAPIST: Thank you, Reuben. Alright, now what I want you all to do is look at this ball. (reaches underneath her chair and grabs a red plush ball) This is the “talking ball.” Right now, I am holding it so I can talk and you can listen. (Smiles) Now, we are going to pass the ball around the room and whoever holds it can talk. The only guidelines you have are to tell us your side of the story. The court has placed you together in order to encourage an open, non-judgemental, and safe place to share. (No one moves or says anything) Can we all play by these rules? (Everyone nods/shrugs/whispers in agreement). Alright, let’s begin. Serpent... (THERAPIST hands the ball to SERPENT)
THERAPIST: Welcome! This is Group Therapy. I want to go around the circle and have you tell the group your name, and the reason you feel you are here. Let’s start with...(pause, looks around trying to quickly decide who should go first)...Serpent. Will you please answer these questions? (Smiles)
SERPENT: (Tall, lanky, 17 years old, handsome and charming, dark hair and eyes, coy smile. Voice is melodic, “s” sounds very pronounced; slight British accent, seems fake) So...I am Serpent.
ALL: (monotone) Hi, Serpent.
SERPENT: I “feel” I am here because of a slight misunderstanding involving a husband and his wife. Go on?
THERAPIST: Perfect, thank you, Serpent. Cain, would you be comfortable with going next?
CAIN: (Muscular guy, average height, 25 years old, long wavy golden hair, slight southern drawl) Um...well, I’m Cain, I guess.
ALL: (monotone) Hi, Cain.
CAIN: Yeah, well...um, I guess I feel like I’m here ‘cause I had a mishap with my brother, Abel. Wrong place, wrong time...ya know.
THERAPIST: Thank you, Cain. You don’t have to feel the need to justify anything. We are here to talk freely without judging each other. (Nods head in agreement, Cain relaxes) Okay, how about Pharaoh?
PHARAOH: (Middle Eastern, dark skin, dark hair, deep and airy voice. Superb English, hint of a French accent) Hello, I am Pharaoh.
ALL: (monotone, slightly frustrated) Hi, Pharaoh.
PHARAOH: I feel as if I am here because of a poor judgment call concerning the Israelites in my employ. (Pauses and looks at THERAPIST to make sure this is adequate).
THERAPIST: That was perfectly adequate Pharaoh. Thank you. Now, Reuben?
REUBEN: (Fidgety, burly guy with wandering eyes, soft spoken) My name is Reuben.
ALL: (monotone, nonchalant) Hi Reuben.
REUBEN: I didn’t want to, but I basically sold my brother...
THERAPIST: Thank you, Reuben. Alright, now what I want you all to do is look at this ball. (reaches underneath her chair and grabs a red plush ball) This is the “talking ball.” Right now, I am holding it so I can talk and you can listen. (Smiles) Now, we are going to pass the ball around the room and whoever holds it can talk. The only guidelines you have are to tell us your side of the story. The court has placed you together in order to encourage an open, non-judgemental, and safe place to share. (No one moves or says anything) Can we all play by these rules? (Everyone nods/shrugs/whispers in agreement). Alright, let’s begin. Serpent... (THERAPIST hands the ball to SERPENT)
------------------------
STORY 1
SERPENT: I was once the most notable creature other than man. Have you ever had friends that were less intelligent than you are?
THERAPIST: (interrupting) I want you to tell me your side of the story, not to try and get justification from others in the group. They will have their time for holding the ball later, this is your time. (smiles at SERPENT)
SERPENT: Okay...well, as I was saying, I used to be the best of all creation, other than man. There was no one that could compare to my wit and my intellect and no one was smart enough to even understand my jokes...other than man. I hated that man was God’s favorite, it really wasn’t fair. I was almost on par with man, and I just don’t understand...didn’t understand why I was treated so unfairly. Never having friends...never having conversations...never being able to joke...(long pause)...they were God’s favorite. I just wanted to be the same as them, and I knew that the woman was naive. I didn’t mean to do any harm to her or the man, but I just wanted friends. You can’t understand how lonely it was all by myself...
THERAPIST: (interrupting) I want you to use “me” statements, if you can. We all want to hear what you think, not what we think. YOU are the important person in this story.
SERPENT: (frustrated) Fine. (Putting the emphasis on “I”) I was lonely and I just wanted some friends. I didn’t have any...there was no one that could understand me, so when the woman was alone that day it was my opportunity to talk with her without the man standing there and talking for her. She was beautiful and a lot of fun to talk to, but I was more intelligent than she was, she was very gullible. But she was telling me something about not being able to touch the fruit of some tree. I don’t really think she knew what she was talking about, I hadn’t heard anything about that, I had heard something about eating it, and I knew that it was one of the trees in the general vicinity, but touching it? When I asked her which tree, she showed me, and I went up to the tree, but she screamed at me to come back. (starts talking quickly, and less coherently) I turned back towards her and she exclaimed that if I touched the fruit I would die, and she seemed really concerned for my life. This could have been a true friendship, she really cared about me, but she was mistaken. I tried to show her that touching the fruit was okay, so I shook the base of the tree and made a bunch of fruit fall to the ground, and I picked one up and she saw that nothing bad happened to me, and so she picked up one too. I didn’t make her eat it, but she had been told by the man that if she touched the fruit that she would die, but she wasn’t dying, so I think she started doubting the things that the man had told her, and I didn’t know she was going to do it, but I knew that if she did it, that we would be the same, so I didn’t try to stop her because she cared about me, she had cared about me dying. (long pause, breathing heavily...concerned look on his face).
(everyone in the room is still, staring at the SERPENT with eyes wide. SERPENT slowly stands up, eyes fixed on something in the distance, walks to the middle of the circle and his grip on the ball slowly slackens.)
SERPENT: (softer voice, almost child-like)...and she took a bite. As soon as she did I knew something bad had happened because her face went white like she had seen a ghost. She told me to eat as well, so I did, I was so concerned with what had happened, I didn’t want her to be alone in what she had done. As soon as I had taken a bite, I saw it. The angel of death. It stood before me. Judging me. The woman was beautiful. But she went around, crazy, driven to get every living creature, including man, to eat the fruit. She didn’t tell them it was the forbidden fruit, she just got them to eat it. She was so beautiful. I could have loved her, but the things I had longed for were further away now than they were before. I could see it now. I knew what I had done. I had just wanted friends, I just wanted to be accepted and loved...but the situation was not in my favor and I was not favored by God, ever, before or after...and I was punished, severely. I didn’t mean for the terrible things that had happened...I just wanted someone to care for me, and she did...but then she took a bite, all because I shook the tree. I could have just let her think that touching the fruit was a bad idea, but no...I needed her...and now I can never be accepted, by any creatures. I’m the outcast. (almost a whisper, the ball finally falls from his hands and bounces away) I was too smart for my own good...I caused it all to happen. But I didn’t mean to...(voice trails off)
(everyone in the room has remained still. SERPENT moves back to his seat, head in his hands. THERAPIST looks at him and at the ball, still on the floor. She slowly gets up, picks up the ball, and sits back down in her seat. She looks at SERPENT)
THERAPIST: (interrupting) I want you to tell me your side of the story, not to try and get justification from others in the group. They will have their time for holding the ball later, this is your time. (smiles at SERPENT)
SERPENT: Okay...well, as I was saying, I used to be the best of all creation, other than man. There was no one that could compare to my wit and my intellect and no one was smart enough to even understand my jokes...other than man. I hated that man was God’s favorite, it really wasn’t fair. I was almost on par with man, and I just don’t understand...didn’t understand why I was treated so unfairly. Never having friends...never having conversations...never being able to joke...(long pause)...they were God’s favorite. I just wanted to be the same as them, and I knew that the woman was naive. I didn’t mean to do any harm to her or the man, but I just wanted friends. You can’t understand how lonely it was all by myself...
THERAPIST: (interrupting) I want you to use “me” statements, if you can. We all want to hear what you think, not what we think. YOU are the important person in this story.
SERPENT: (frustrated) Fine. (Putting the emphasis on “I”) I was lonely and I just wanted some friends. I didn’t have any...there was no one that could understand me, so when the woman was alone that day it was my opportunity to talk with her without the man standing there and talking for her. She was beautiful and a lot of fun to talk to, but I was more intelligent than she was, she was very gullible. But she was telling me something about not being able to touch the fruit of some tree. I don’t really think she knew what she was talking about, I hadn’t heard anything about that, I had heard something about eating it, and I knew that it was one of the trees in the general vicinity, but touching it? When I asked her which tree, she showed me, and I went up to the tree, but she screamed at me to come back. (starts talking quickly, and less coherently) I turned back towards her and she exclaimed that if I touched the fruit I would die, and she seemed really concerned for my life. This could have been a true friendship, she really cared about me, but she was mistaken. I tried to show her that touching the fruit was okay, so I shook the base of the tree and made a bunch of fruit fall to the ground, and I picked one up and she saw that nothing bad happened to me, and so she picked up one too. I didn’t make her eat it, but she had been told by the man that if she touched the fruit that she would die, but she wasn’t dying, so I think she started doubting the things that the man had told her, and I didn’t know she was going to do it, but I knew that if she did it, that we would be the same, so I didn’t try to stop her because she cared about me, she had cared about me dying. (long pause, breathing heavily...concerned look on his face).
(everyone in the room is still, staring at the SERPENT with eyes wide. SERPENT slowly stands up, eyes fixed on something in the distance, walks to the middle of the circle and his grip on the ball slowly slackens.)
SERPENT: (softer voice, almost child-like)...and she took a bite. As soon as she did I knew something bad had happened because her face went white like she had seen a ghost. She told me to eat as well, so I did, I was so concerned with what had happened, I didn’t want her to be alone in what she had done. As soon as I had taken a bite, I saw it. The angel of death. It stood before me. Judging me. The woman was beautiful. But she went around, crazy, driven to get every living creature, including man, to eat the fruit. She didn’t tell them it was the forbidden fruit, she just got them to eat it. She was so beautiful. I could have loved her, but the things I had longed for were further away now than they were before. I could see it now. I knew what I had done. I had just wanted friends, I just wanted to be accepted and loved...but the situation was not in my favor and I was not favored by God, ever, before or after...and I was punished, severely. I didn’t mean for the terrible things that had happened...I just wanted someone to care for me, and she did...but then she took a bite, all because I shook the tree. I could have just let her think that touching the fruit was a bad idea, but no...I needed her...and now I can never be accepted, by any creatures. I’m the outcast. (almost a whisper, the ball finally falls from his hands and bounces away) I was too smart for my own good...I caused it all to happen. But I didn’t mean to...(voice trails off)
(everyone in the room has remained still. SERPENT moves back to his seat, head in his hands. THERAPIST looks at him and at the ball, still on the floor. She slowly gets up, picks up the ball, and sits back down in her seat. She looks at SERPENT)
THERAPIST: (comforting). Thank you, Serpent, that was wonderful. Now, Cain...(hands CAIN the ball, he takes it hesitantly)
Thursday, September 23
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