I graduate in December. I am currently in the process of thinking, with Rich, about the prospect of grad school, starting a family, etc. I am thoroughly enjoying learning and thinking and being put into situations that require much effort to put aside my own personal bias and work through the situation to decide what exactly is going on. To be completely honest with my blog, this has been intensely overwhelming, for several reasons. In order to do well within my studies, I have been forced to think outside of the box in which everything I was ever taught growing up resided. This has been tumultuous and trying at best. I have welcomed discussion and challenging thoughts from professors and especially the challenges from my husband. My biggest fear throughout this entire process (which I don't think will end EVER- the process, that is), is that I would change into something other than the person that my Hubby decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Now, if anyone reads this, I'm sure you are currently thinking (especially if you know Rich), that this is the most absurd thought that could have ever crossed my mind. When I did finally admit this to Rich he very
lovingly told me I was crazy. HA! He then went on to reassure me that he completely supports my education, as far as I want to go whether that is just receiving a BA or if that means getting Ph.D after Ph.D! I know he was trying to lighten my somber mood and this in one of MANY reasons why I love him. I say all of this to admit that I am terrified of the journey that I have decided to embark on, but I am fearful that if I do not take such a journey, I will remain ignorant of my own faith and will take every experience in the past two years for granted. God has blessed me more than I could ever know, from my wonderfully caring and supportive parents and sister who have always loved me (there was never any inkling of a doubt about this), to struggling through poverty with my husband the first few years of marriage (which we are still in, and completely content with), to moving us to Oklahoma even though this was the scariest decision we have ever made and showing us that even though Rich's new job and our new church (which is already difficult in itself, for anyone who has ever been in church-ministry!) and showing us the most faceted and loving group of people that have ever been in either of our lives! There have been CRAZY struggles, and they are by no means over, but God has been so merciful to us to give us such wonderfully life-changing experiences.
I have made personal strides in my own faith and I have yet to know if I am ever going to be okay with where I am spiritually, but I love thinking and learning and experiencing discussion with those different from myself and becoming more aware of the world in which I am so radically being exposed to, whether I am ready for it or not. My prayer in this season of life is that I continue to question and continue to challenge what I have always just taken for granted. I want my faith to continue to be my own, whatever that ends up looking like! Grad school, seminary, becoming a mom, or whatever, I know that I can continue to rely on those around me and that right now, I am content with free-falling!!
A now, a relevant cartoon:
http://www.cartoonchurch.com/content/cc/i-have/
